


Sleep x With x Me

by masterofnen



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Fluff, High School, M/M, Modern AU, where there's fluff there's always
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-08
Updated: 2016-06-08
Packaged: 2018-07-13 01:30:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7132631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/masterofnen/pseuds/masterofnen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i've got a big ol' modern au in my head and this is just a snippet from their younger teen years</p>
    </blockquote>





	Sleep x With x Me

**Author's Note:**

> i've got a big ol' modern au in my head and this is just a snippet from their younger teen years

The fact of the matter is, Gon doesn't like to be alone and even less so, sleeping alone. Killua can expect to get a text near every other day asking if his white haired best friend would just come over and spend the night. If Gon had his way, and he almost always does, the two of them would never separate.

Killua on the other hand, very much likes sleeping alone, especially in his big comfortable bed, stacked with pillows. Although, he likes even more giving the golden boy what he desires. So, more often then not, he relents and packs an overnight bag.

Maybe it’s a strange thing for two high school boys to have sleepovers, even more so to share a bed. There’s no doubt the guys on the soccer team would have something to say about it. It’s annoying that people would even care at all, but Killua’s not going to sleep on the floor just cause they do. Besides, it makes Gon happy.

Gon was raised by his Aunt and great grandmother out in the middle of nowhere. Like Killua, he spent a lot of time learning and playing on his own. Unlike Killua, he never met his parents, only hearing about his dad through tales that barely sound realistic. Killua might be jealous, if he didn’t know how it affected Gon.

Mito says they must be bound somehow, there’s no other excuse for being together so much. Privately, after a glass or two of wine, she once told Killua that moving to the suburbs really was the right choice for them. A little out of her comfort zone, and Gon’s, but she’s never seen him happier. Gon doesn’t like to be idle, the forests of his childhood gave him plenty to do but nothing compares to the adventures he comes home and tells her about now. The days he spends with Killua.

Some evenings he makes it in time for whatever home cooked meal Aunt Mito has prepared. Others, he’s sneaking through the side door in the late hours long after everyone’s turned in for the night. All depends on when Gon asks or when Killua can escape his family.

There are times he’s already asleep when his phone pings, Gon wanting to dig up an old joy station game or because he cant sleep the thoughts away. Despite the inevitable groan of frustration and loss of warmth as he rolls out of bed, nothing really beats sneaking out of the house to board across town and hang out with his best friend. It’s like no one else in the world exists but the two of them, and nothing can stop them from being together.

This time when Killua gets a text he’s having a night of his own. It’s going on 1am and he’s been curled up under the covers for two hours now, eyes puffy, tears and snot drying on his cheeks.

The message lights up his cavern of blankets, _Come sleep with me?_

Killua sighs, kinda overwhelmed by the relief that washes over him, although he can’t find the energy to even grin at the words.

He kicks back the covers, exposing his pitiful form, exasperated with himself and this night. He’s not even sure he should go. School’s just a handful of hours away and he’d have to fight with the part of him that doesn't think he deserves or needs the company. He wouldn't be of any help to Gon, there’s nothing he can offer him in a state like this.

-

Tonight Illumi and Silva were around for dinner. Mother in her worst form from the moment he got home from school. A meal with the whole family means Milluki has to leave the computer, Kalluto’s basically invisible, Alluka remains in her room, less than invisible, and Killua sits at his father’s right hand.

Illumi, he sat right across from Killua, mindlessly twirling his fork in un-sauced spaghetti. It’s always torture when they’re all together and Illumi’s good mood only makes it worse.

His eldest brother thinks he knows what Killua wants, thinks the two of them are one in the same, each other’s closest companion. Killua let’s him fawn over him, remaining as cooly indifferent as possible until he can be excused from his company. It’s better to stay quiet, but it’s not always feasible.

Illumi spoke with reverence, “It thrills me thinking of Killua reaching the peak of his career. So naturally gifted, a true heir to the firm. I cant wait for his potential to be harnessed.” Whether Illumi was speaking of Killua or himself, Killua assumed the latter. His brother continued, turning to speak to him directly. “If only you’d spend your time more wisely. I see you’re taking more than one art class this semester, plus a break hour. Am I to worry the kid genius is losing his touch?”

Killua spoke around a mouthful of bread, “If you’re wondering if I’m still smarter than you, the answer is yes.”

He let out of whistle. “It bites. Good to hear nonetheless. As for next semester, don't finalize your schedule until you’ve looked it over with me. Your big brother will help steer you in the right direction.”

“I’m good,” Killua responded, casually sipping from his glass.

Illumi raised a single eyebrow but otherwise he features remained eerily fixed.

“Either you make better use of your time in school or you wont find your time outside of it so free. I always thought soccer to be a waste of your potential. Oh, and Jon would have to stay away of course. I’ll never understand why you enjoy the company of someone like that, so different from us. It’s not like you.”

His eyes darkened. He felt white hot. “Gon.”

“What’s that, Killua? Speak up.”

“His name is Gon.”

“That’s right. Him. So?”

“You’re crazy if you think I’m going to choose between art class and my friends. You’re crazy any way for thinking I’m ever going to go along with what you say. You’re fucking crazy.” Killua kept in the same tone as the rest of the dinner conversation. The only one who visibly reacted was his mother, eyes bugging slightly out of her head.

“Friends? Oh Killua, you’ve never had friends, you don't know how. When you’re older you’ll leave them behind anyway. Your lifestyle isn’t suited for companionship, you work better alone. You’ll have everyone you need at the firm, father, your big brother, all the secretaries you’d like. Networking will be key, of course, but those aren’t friends, just people you shake until they drop what you need. Gon will want nothing to do with you then, and you’ll forget the time he was a special thing to you, a sweet golden novelty. Play things get left behind as you grow, Killua, when a child is too old for a bottle it gets taken away. If the child fights against it, it’s punished. Do you understand?”

Killua’s head lowered, bangs shielding his expression. “I’m not going to choose between my studies and my free time.”

“Then I’ll choose.”

Killua said nothing, no cards to play.

“Killua. I don't want to have to order Zebro to not open the gate for you. You wouldn't like it if I did that.”

Killua looked to his father who made zero indication whether he heard a word that was spoken. Forget about any sort of saving grace. There was nothing he could do, powerless against Illumi, he relented.

He stood, almost knocking back the chair. “I’ll drop art,” he said, walking away from the table.

Illumi called after him. “To the bathroom, Killu?”

What else could he do but nod. “Hurry back, there’s more I want to discuss.”

With Illumi around there’s no escape, no sanctuary, only walls.

-

Killua presses the heels of his hands deeper into his eye sockets. It takes one deep dramatic breath to wrench himself into a sitting position. Remaining a lonely lump in bed would only gratify Illumi. After a moment of fumbling around in the dark he has his sweats pulled on, backpack slung over one shoulder, and skateboard in hand.

If Killua’s grateful for one thing in this house, it’s that they let the butlers day end when the family’s does. Meaning Canary is asleep right now and unable to catch him sneaking out. There will be questions come morning for sure. It’s become an unspoken ritual between them that when Killua doesn't come down for breakfast Canary claims she took him into school early to work on an art project or for early soccer practice.

He scoffs internally at the thought of actually arriving to school more than five minutes before first bell. Sometimes his family is just too easy to play. They don’t care to understand him at all. Their vision of him is the only thing that matters.

Without responding to Gon’s message, he slips out a back door and makes a mad dash to where the corner of their property meets the main road. It’s not a short distance. It’d be a lot quicker to coast down the long driveway on his board, but that would mean sneaking past Mike, the family guard dog, and gatekeeper Zebro.

Killua tosses his skateboard over the wall first, as he’s done countless time before, quickly following after it. Now it’s smooth sailing to Gon’s house, only about fifteen minutes from here.

The night air is fall crisp, refreshing while feeling unusually sharp against his swollen and tired eyes. When Killua rolls into the driveway all the lights in the house are out, a dull blue and white flicker coming from Gon’s window. Forgoing the front door he rounds the house for the side entrance, pulling out his key ring for the small gold one the Freecss’ gave him.

Quietly as possible, he enters the house as a welcome guest. Here, he doesn't have to sneak around, but he still doesn't want to wake Mito passed out on the living room couch.

Just two people live in the little blue house, yet it feels more welcoming and lived in than his house of nine, plus the dozens of staff members. The smell of dinner lingers in the kitchen, a small amount of dishes in the sink, and a baked treat wrapped in plastic with his name on it, literally. There are even more pictures of Killua here.

Killua creeps into Gon’s room, whispering his name, but there’s no response. He sets down his backpack and goes to the open side of the bed, more or less _his_ side. Really it’s just the side Gon doesn't favor, but he finds it amusing that if it were his bed, this would be the side he slept on anyway.

In the flicking light of the TV Killua can see, Gon’s out like a light.

Killua sighs, shaking his head and removing his sweats once again before crawling underneath the covers. He expected Gon to be awake, but this is fine. Just the company is enough, in fact it’s really nice.

Gon always teases him for how he sleeps, burrowed in deep, covers pulled up over his ear. He claims he can’t even tell if Killua is underneath there or not. Gon on the other hand acts like blankets were never invented. Right now he sleeps like a rock, stretched out on his back, one arm thrown over his head, other on his exposed tummy, mouth gaping open.

Even now, across town in a house that feels like home, Killua can’t escape the intrusive thoughts. Illumi’s words churning over and over in his mind. Instinctively, he curls in tighter, pushing away the thoughts the best he can, focusing on the darkness behind his eye lids. _Stop thinking stop thinking stop thinking._

He knows it’s from the crying and boarding across town, but exhaustion finds him sooner than expected. Only when Gon shifts to his side does he jolt back awake. Killua’s back is to him, but senses Gon’s facing him now, though still asleep.

A moment or two later when sleep comes back, Gon moves again and suddenly an oppressively warm arm comes to rest around his midsection. His back heating at the presence of another.

Killua tenses up, breath coming to a screeching halt, paralyzed by a waking nightmare. What does he do? Gon has to be asleep right now, there’s no way he isn’t. It’ll be mortifying for them both if he wakes up like this, clinging to Killua the way he is.

He’ll just wake him up. No. It’d be less embarrassing if he escaped without notice. He’ll just find a way to slink out of his arms and then he can keep it a secret between himself and the night.

Before he can decide on a move, there’s a tickle of breath at the hair on his neck. “Killua…” The final vowel dragged with drowsiness.

Killua represses the urge to gasp. “Gon? Are you awake?”

“Mm, barely.” The golden boy tightens his grip.

“W-well, the heck are you doing?” he asks reaching out for purchase, an attempt to drag himself away.

“Sleeping,” Gon answers back, ignoring the struggle.

“I mean, your big stupid arms are crushing me.”

His response sounds like a frown. “Is this not okay for Killua?”

He doesn't get out more than a stammer, not really knowing how to respond. It’s not _not_ okay.

“I’ll stop if it isn’t, but, mmm, I don't want to.” Gon’s voice is equal parts serious and dreamy.

“I-It’s okay, I guess,” he murmurs, fighting against the discomfort of feeling exposed.

“Be honest?”

Steadying his breath, “I am, idiot. I-uh just didn't know if you did it on purpose or not.”

“Mm-might not have. I rolled over and you were here, I couldn't help myself.”

Only silence on Killua’s end.

“Killua…”

“Hm?” He plays with his bangs, twirling and tugging, not knowing what to do with his arms, wildly aware of the presence behind him.

“I don’t want you to feel like you cant be affectionate.”

Reflexively, Killua’s back stiffens.

“Even if it doesn't mean anything, we can be here for each other, right? It’s just, sometimes I get the feeling that you want to…you know, be close. Not just to me, anyone really, but you don’t let yourself. Why?”

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he whispers into the blanket.

“Mm, sure you do. Why do you never ask for a hug, or sit close on the couch? You act like you’ll murder if someone even brushes by you.”

Gon waits this time so it’s silent for a minute. _Why do you notice that_ , he wants to ask but doesn’t. _Because no one has gotten close with out wanting something from me._ He doesn’t say that either. _If I’m vulnerable, I might lose control. I don’t need it. Don’t want it. Don’t know how._ He says none of what he’s thinking.

“Not fair, half the time we’re draped over each other, Gon. I mean, I spend most the week here with you, don't I?

“That’s different. You love getting in my face or taking a swipe at me. If it’s obnoxious you’ll do it. When we play I'm not the one with personal boundaries issues.”

“Says the one who invited me into his bed and unquestionably spooned me.”

“This isn’t play,” Gon answers simply, surprising Killua.

“Then what is it?”

Gon seems to ponder this before responding. “Comfort.”

Nothing for a moment and then, “I didn't ask…”

“Would you ever?”

“Ever think I just don't want to?”

“Yes. Tell me to stop.”

For a moment Killua says nothing, Gon speaks again instead.

“I wanna fall back asleep like this, but,” -yawns- “only if you think you want to. Only if you like it.”

He really considers it, falling asleep in his best friend’s arms. It would be okay, right? Maybe not everyone does this, maybe he would have never thought to want this, but it’s Gon. Killua doesn't often receive affection, but it’s nights like this, feeling tied down to nothing, like all the weight in the world couldn't keep him down, hoping to float into oblivion, that he finds himself tempted.

Because right now he feels wholly the opposite. Like roots are starting to grow, anchoring him to a place he’s wanted and welcomed as himself. Secure in a space made just for him, only for him. Killua trusts Gon, and truthfully, he would be disappointed if this stopped.

“Okay. It’s okay, Gon.”

Killua can almost feel him brighten. “Alrighty, then. Stop laying there like a stiff board and spoon me back. Get comfy, I know how you like to nuzzle in.”

Killua huffs, doing as he’s told, softly pressing his back into Gon. Clearly not enough, as Gon tugs the white haired boy closer to his liking. Killua can tell he’s satisfied by the way he hunkers down, legs rubbing against the sheets.

In an instance of perfect timing the room goes dark, TV shutting down due to the sleep timer he knows Gon set. The way they are now, there’s no hiding, but it offers Killua some relief.

“Gon?”

“Yeah?”

“How’d you know?” Killua doesn't think he has to elaborate, but he starts to second guess himself when Gon doesn’t answer.

“Know what?”

He shrugs against Gon’s chest. “Bad night.”

“Hmm, I didn’t really, I just know you and did what felt right.”

“You think you know me that well, Freecss?”

“Uhn. I know what you need.”

For some reason that makes him blush and he’s grateful Gon can’t see. “I thought something was wrong, maybe you were having a bad night and that’s why you asked me to come over.”

Gon’s tone changes to one of concern. “You don’t…Killua, I’m sorry. I hope you don't think I only want you around when I’m feeling crummy.”

“I don’t, Gon. Besides, I wouldn’t care if you did, I just assumed cause it’s late.”

Gon’s insistent with a stubborn edge. “I’d care. I want you around all the time.”

As if to prove it he continues. “It was a fine night, Mito made stew, then she watched Fear Factor with me and I ended up dozing kinda early. It was so cool and comfy and at some point I started thinking about you, wondering if you were cozy too. Then I worried that you weren’t so I wanted to text you and so I did, but when I woke up next I saw I never pressed send,” Gon’s kinda rambling and it’s making Killua feel all fluttery. Gon even thinks of him when he’s in a happy place, a dreamy state, and that makes him wanna dream too…

Gon’s still going. “You never text me when you’re having a bad night, you could just show up here whenever you wanted. You don’t though. I think about you feeling all alone and it makes me—” angry. Killua knows. Can hear it in his tone. But Gon doesn't say it because it isn’t that he’s mad at his friend. Gon feels powerless. “Killua’s secretive like that and I don’t like it. I want you to tell me when it’s not okay, I want to be there for you. I need you Killua, so it’s alright if you need me too.”

Killua doesn't know what to say. He might want to cry again. “Okay.” A choice word. Gon let’s it be.

His words are muffled by Killua’s hair as buried his nose in the white tendrils. “I get fooled easily and forget to ask if you’re okay. Not everything has to be a one on one battle. I’m always ready to fight.”

“Idiot, you think I don't know. You think I need you being any more reckless than you are.”

“Yeah but, I’d do anything in your name. Killua can be so calm and reassuring, so cool and collected, I forget to ask because I don’t see it. You say lots of things so I forget that you’re thinking things you’ll never say. It’s like your mind is always running away from some possibility. If you’re scared you don't have to be alone.”

Killua swallows a lump in throat, a very real part of him wanting to run right now. “Gon, you do ask. I just brush it off. It’s my fault. I don’t need help fighting a losing battle.”

He can feel him shake his head, voice tight. “No one’s losing anything. I get now you aren’t ever going to ask for anything. You don't wanna admit you want it, or maybe you’re afraid to get it, you might not even know what you want. But I won’t make you ask, okay? I’ll just be here.” To punctuate the point he slides his arm up to find Killua’s hand, tugging lightly to hold at Killua’s chest. “It’s nice being close to someone, right?”

Gon goes silent, not really looking for a response, because just the fact the Killua is here says enough. Killua finds he does have something to say though. “Gon, thank—”

He’s quickly cut off. “You gotta follow your own rule. Don’t be lame.”

Unable to help himself, his shoulders shake in silent laughter. He’d made that rule for the exact opposite situation. “You’re lame.”

“I know.”

Killua rolls over in his arms, coming nose to freckled nose, eyes lit with some kind of mischief. He wiggles to find his crevice, making a show of comfortable he is. It dawns on him that he really is, and for the first time all night he feels like he has a grip on himself.

Gon doesn't know what to do with his arm, letting it hover over Killua’s waist, not sure what this new position calls for. Facing each like this is wildly more intimate, this way they’re making eye contact.

For a brief moment Killua thinks to regret his decision, more exposed than ever, but it’s gratifying to realize Gon’s holding his breath. He’s surprised the golden boy.

Wordlessly taking a step further, Killua reaches for the tan hand resting palm up on the sheets. He smooths his own over it, relishing the soft sound of Gon sharply inhaling.

Gon pulls the covers back up to how Killua had them, before finally landing his arm back around his middle.

“Comfy?” Gon asks warmly, fidgeting to get closer.

“Yeah.” Killua let’s him interlace their fingers.

“Cozy?” Gon tightens the grip.

“Shuddup.” Killua squeezes back.

Killua closes his eyes softly, against the sound of Gon’s chuckle.

“I’m glad I met you, Killua.”

Killua only grins, knowing eyes of morning sun are still on him.

A warm wave a sleep rises over them, breath falling into synchrony. It’s like they’re sharing the same heart, beating as one being instead of two. It’s almost overwhelming being this close, but it doesn’t feel like Gon wants to own him or even make up his other half. It’s different than that, something he can’t really explain. Like his brother’s words will never hold any truth and the future could be exactly like this if he let himself have it. 

Like maybe he knows what he wants after so long of having no clue.

Only after he thinks his friend has fallen asleep does Killua whisper softly, “Me too, Gon.”

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! <3


End file.
